DON'T BECOME WHO HURT YOU
By Chesz Dylan
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This is simple yet profound that when taken by heart it has a deep meaning within its context. Sometimes we don't know that a part of us that was hurt can leave a scar that cannot easily mend by time, or even death. Sometimes, the person that hurts us leave an impression that is forever delisted in our system, if not forever be forgotten in our life.
See also: You Are Never Worthless
I remember when I was young. The person who hurt me left my childhood a sad, immeasurable pain, and left me growing with a vengeful heart. I am so drowned of avenging myself because that part of me was the beginning of a mess I paid by my entire childhood. That part of me was helpless. A voiceless kid who just followed orders and what those adults made me believed. I didn't feel an ounce of guilt or conscience because what I was feeling back then was a total remorse and loathe. I hated him to the point that I cursed him. To the point I no longer feel any love or sympathy. To the point I wished he was dead. I blamed him for all my childhood sufferings, for the brokenness I feel, and the family I will never have. I went through it a lot physically, intellectually and emotionally. To the point that I feel like I don't deserve this life - everything!
I did everything I could not to be like him; not to grow as an incompetent adult; not to grow as a worthless husband or a useless dad. I plunged myself away, so far away, dwindling in shame and shutting all my emotions and keep it all by myself.
It is normal for anyone to blame others. Humans are created selfish and full of pride. Humans find fault in everything; humans aren't easily contented in what they have, and I'm no better than anyone.
Later did I realized, that the person I never wanted to be - the person I hated, and rejected, is becoming the person in me. The things I hated about him, is suddenly imparted in my system. I only realized when I found myself acting like a fool, when my actions and my indecisiveness are becoming prevalent to the extent that it is manifesting on me. I hated myself for it, just as how I hated the person who made me feel it.
I didn't undergo any therapy or counseling. The guilt, the anger and frustrations is piling up. It's eating me whole inside. A part of me - the helpless me, is trying to suppress it as much as it can. It was hard. There are times I feel like I will undergo cardiac arrest anytime because of the sudden burst of pain in my heart. It doesn't always occur, but once it does, it's unbearable and I feel like I can't breathe. It's never good to keep it all inside especially when you have a weak heart.
It is when we hurt that we learn.
- Steve Maraboli
DON'T BECOME WHO HURT YOU. Don't let your hurt and pain define you; don't let it feed your ego; don't let the good in you be consumed by it; don't let it become who you are - learn to forgive; forgiveness is the key. I know it isn't easy. It isn't something that could easily erase everything, every memory and hurt. Forgive sincerely, at least try it little by little. It's a long process of healing, but it produces great result - a fulfilling result.
See also: Ode of a Broken Son
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When I think about it, I realized that it's possible. It's possible to forgive. It's possible to feel positive despite the negativities and despite there has been no changes in his part. So, if you were given a chance, confront that person who hurt you and made you feel it. I know it was wrong for keeping it all inside me. I know fully that it has a negative effect in my personality, in my upbringing but I was always like that - stubborn. I suffered from it. And I don't want you to feel it, that same feeling. It was never good. It robbed me my happiness in my childhood. It robbed me the love I should have given. It robbed me of the future I should have had, if only I didn't allowed that hurt to ate my whole being.
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Lastly, have faith. Give all your hurt and pains to our father in heaven.
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